Divisions within Dutch society are becoming increasingly pronounced. Conversations are hardening, trust is diminishing, and people seem less able to truly listen to one another. It is therefore no coincidence that the way we live together was identified as the most pressing social issue this year (SCP, 2025). Against this backdrop, Mensen met een Missie launched the project Ken je mij? earlier this school year at MBO Utrecht. The project creates space for dialogue and encounter, aiming to counter polarisation and strengthen our ability to live together. Now that the school year has reached its midpoint, the first results are beginning to emerge.
According to the SCP, the sense of a hardening society is not new, but it is more emotionally charged than ever. People feel personally attacked more quickly and are increasingly reluctant to listen. The tone of public debate is becoming harsher, while conversations grow shorter. What once seemed natural – encountering one another and allowing room for difference – is under strain. This affects not only our relationships with one another, but also the foundations of our democracy. A society that no longer listens loses its capacity to live together.
Youth between dividing lines
For young people, this hardening of society is particularly tangible. They are growing up in a world marked by opposing views, where staying in dialogue is often difficult. In classrooms, this results in silences precisely where conversation is most needed. Young people hold back, sensitive topics are avoided, and misunderstandings persist. Jasper, an MBO student, recognises this: “We judge too quickly. We need to learn better when to speak up, and how to do so.”
The MBO as a mirror of society
Schools are not only places of learning, but also spaces where living together is practised. Walking through the corridors of an MBO college offers a snapshot of Dutch society: young people with diverse backgrounds, beliefs and life stories sharing the same spaces each day. In such a diverse and sometimes tense environment, continuing the conversation is essential, stresses Roel van Lanen, Director of MBO Utrecht. It was from this conviction that MBO Utrecht and Mensen met een Missie joined forces.
Making space for dialogue
Ken je mij? is a dialogue programme that brings together students, education professionals and local residents to learn how to navigate differences. Through trainings, dialogues and neighbourhood tours, participants explore themes such as identity, religion, discrimination and conviction. They practise listening without judgement, remaining curious about others, and recognising their own assumptions – skills that are essential in a society that appears to be drifting further apart.
Teacher Thomas van Brink sees the value of this approach in practice: “As teachers, we play an important role in creating space for dialogue, even on topics where opinions differ widely. If we don’t, young people tend to entrench themselves in their own positions.” He also points to the influence of social media: “Online, students are mostly exposed to extreme viewpoints, rather than the full picture. That makes it all the more important to practise genuine listening and asking questions in the classroom. Asking questions helps create connection.”
From first exercises to lasting change
The programme began this school year with a series of trainings for education professionals. What started as an introduction to dialogue and nonviolent communication gradually developed into a deeper learning process, in which participants became more aware of their own patterns. Joyce Kuijf, who works in student administration, noticed her perspective begin to shift. “I’ve learned that empathetic listening doesn’t always mean responding,” she explains. “At first, I caught myself wanting to react immediately, while sometimes a nod or a moment of silence is enough.”
One particular exercise stayed with her. “In groups of three, we each had five minutes to talk about what was currently important in our lives. Very vulnerable stories emerged. When it was my turn, I realised far more came up than I had expected. It felt raw, but also special – as if pieces of a puzzle were falling into place.”
Thomas experienced something similar during the trainings: “What struck me most was how open everyone was. People shared very quickly, and I genuinely felt a sense of connection with colleagues – even those I hadn’t worked with before. That was incredibly valuable.”
Impact in everyday life
Joyce now also applies what she learned beyond her work at the college. “I’ve become much more aware of my own reactions. I’m more inclined to think: don’t respond straight away, let the other person speak first. I also ask more follow-up questions about what lies behind someone’s words. That leads to very different conversations – calmer, with more understanding.”
Although Joyce works ‘behind the scenes’ at MBO Utrecht, she notices that the trainings are already influencing team dynamics. There is greater awareness of how colleagues speak with one another, and more room to acknowledge differences without immediate friction.
Looking ahead: students taking the floor
After the Christmas break, students will also begin dialogue training, as part of their citizenship classes. This brings Ken je mij? into the heart of the school: the classroom. Thomas looks ahead to this next step: “If students learn early on to remain curious about others and to ask questions instead of judging, they gain something that will benefit them throughout their lives.”
Now, after the first series of trainings, small changes are already visible. Within teams and among colleagues, conversations are calmer, listening is more attentive, and people are more willing to take time to ask questions rather than disengage. At a time when society seems to be hardening further, Ken je mij? shows that a different approach is possible. A less divided society may not begin in The Hague, but at an MBO college in Utrecht – where people learn to listen, even when it feels uncomfortable.
