Thirty-five years ago, Agnes Atok (67) fled the civil war in South Sudan after her husband was killed. With her daughter and grandchildren, she sought safety in the Kiryandongo region of Uganda, where she eventually remarried. However, her new husband turned out to be an abusive alcoholic. With the help of Sister Judith Athieno, a partner of Mensen met een Missie, Agnes found the courage to stand on her own two feet. Now, she helps other refugees and victims of domestic violence herself.
Despite being scared and vulnerable when she first arrived in Uganda, Agnes thought remarrying would be best for her future. But she soon realized that her new husband was a danger to her and her grandchildren. Agnes says: ‘My husband had five other wives, and he abused all of us. My daughter had gone back to South Sudan, but my grandchildren were living with me and this man. I realized that it was a dangerous situation for all of us.’ But leaving him terrified her. ‘Where would I go? What would become of me? I couldn’t even imagine a life without a man.’
I was terrified of leaving my abusive husband. – Agnes Atok
Emotional support
While enduring the violence and trying to overcome her fear, Agnes met Sister Judith Athieno. With support from Mensen met een Missie, Judith and her team have been providing trauma counseling and emotional support to refugees in Uganda for years. Agnes recalls: ‘I told Judith about my marital problems, my fear, and my uncertainty. She stressed that my four granddaughters’ well-being was my greatest responsibility and task. My conversations with her made me realize that I had a choice. That I could make it on my own. Her words and love helped me see a brighter future. That gave me the courage to leave my abusive husband.’
Although she felt relief after leaving, Agnes was still traumatized, scared, and uncertain. She moved into a small, empty house in the village. Judith continued visiting Agnes to offer support during this difficult period. Agnes shares: ‘Sister Judith was always there for me, no matter what I needed or when. She provided practical items that I lacked in my new home, so I could take better care of my grandchildren. I felt so vulnerable and hopeless, but Sister Judith helped me rebuild my life and process my experiences. We talked a lot.’
Trauma counseling
Besides the home visits from Judith, Agnes also participates in support groups focused on trauma counseling. Agnes says: ‘Sister Judith taught me and other refugees how to deal with stress and trauma. We danced and sang together, shared our stories, and supported one another. This slowly brought more relaxation and relief, and we also began to believe that there were people who cared for us. The trauma counseling program helped me a lot. I used to feel overwhelmed by my problems, but now I can think clearly.’
We learned that there are people who truly care about us. – Agnes Atok
Now, more than ten years later, Agnes radiates confidence, with a broad smile on her face. Today, she helps Sister Judith with home visits to other refugees and victims of domestic violence. ‘Thanks to Judith, I am now a strong woman who can handle anything. I know how to run my household, how to raise my grandchildren well, and how to resolve conflicts with my neighbors peacefully and harmoniously.’
Violence against women
Although Uganda has been more stable in recent years, violence against women is still a significant issue. There are also many traumatized refugees trying to build a new life in Uganda. Judith Athieno explains: ‘Life here in Uganda is tough. There’s a lot of poverty. Many people have absolutely nothing—no income, no services, and poor healthcare.’ Sister Judith has been working with refugees since 1994. ‘These people have been through so much, especially the women, who often face violence at home in addition to war.’
These people have been through so much, especially the women, who often face violence at home as well. – Judith Athieno
‘I work with them on trauma processing. I listen to them, provide socio-psychological therapy, and offer training on violence and gender equality, so they can find a way to deal with their past and move forward.’ In addition to home visits and therapy, Sister Judith focuses on helping those living in poverty, marginalized groups, and especially refugees with HIV/AIDS and Ugandans displaced by violence. ‘I also try to inspire others to play an active role in society. I conduct workshops on self-reliance, poverty reduction, sustainable development, and how to handle challenges.’
Thanks to Judith’s tireless efforts and those of her team, Agnes has been able to come to terms with her past. She now knows she doesn’t have to accept violence and faces the future with a positive outlook. Judith says: ‘When I first met Agnes, she was broken and confused. Now, when I look at her, I see a strong, energetic woman. The circumstances here are not easy. The wars around us still weigh heavily on our communities. Thanks to the compassion of Mensen met een Missie’s donors, we can help ease some of the pain. My wish is to help heal the collective trauma of these communities. I cannot do it alone, but I see it as my calling to help our people.’
