17 March 2023

Reducing domestic violence in Uganda

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In Uganda, it’s common for only boys to attend school. Men are seen as the heads of the family, while women are expected to serve and eventually become housewives. To assert their dominance, many men resort to violence. It’s a cycle that has been passed down for generations. Catherine Amase (33) knows this all too well. ‘My father spent all our money on alcohol, and when he was drunk, he became a monster,’ she shares. Cathy’s husband, David Ewalu (46), wasn’t much different—until recently.

Catherine, or Cathy as her friends call her, is an independent, progressive Ugandan woman. Before meeting her husband, she worked in the city and earned her own income—quite rare in Uganda! But marrying David brought her to a small village, where the couple had six children. ‘I don’t work anymore,’ Cathy says. ‘David works in construction and is often away, while I stay home with the children.’ Even though she no longer works, Cathy remains a strong, free-spirited individual—something that was not always appreciated by her husband, who believed he was the boss. ‘It was awful,’ Cathy recalls. ‘Whenever David came home, he would start yelling before he even reached the door. One time, he hit me so hard my face was completely swollen. You couldn’t even see my eyes.’

David Ewalu at his house in Angaro Village

Growing up with a a violent dad

Cathy and David both grew up surrounded by domestic violence. ‘My father used to beat my mother every day,’ Cathy shares. ‘It was so bad that she would sometimes sleep at the neighbors’ to escape. She was constantly running from his blows.’ David’s childhood was different; his mother left when he was very young. ‘But at night, I would hear the neighbors shouting at their wives.’ Both Cathy and David believe that this violence stems from the deeply rooted belief in Uganda that women are worth less than men, and that men need to prove their dominance. ‘We’re taught from a young age that the man is the head of the family,’ David says. ‘Even in school, we learn that. So when you come home from work, you want to show who’s in charge. Our whole lives, we see other men do this by being aggressive.’

My mother was constantly running from my father’s blows

Mediation by the pastor

It was local pastor Joseph Edou who helped Cathy and David rebuild their marriage based on equality and respect. ‘My sister-in-law knew about our problems and told me about a support group at church,’ Cathy says. ‘They said: no matter how bad things are, we are here to help each other, to listen to each other.’ At first, Cathy went alone, but after a while, the pastor started visiting her and David at home. ‘Pastor Joseph spoke to me about equality between men and women, about respect and forgiveness,’ David recalls. ‘After many conversations and mediation, Cathy forgave me, and now we’re working towards more harmony at home.’

Pastor Joseph Edou talking to David and Cathy at their home in Angaro Village

Training for local leaders

Pastor Joseph uses relationship mediation techniques he learned from the Ugandan organization Terelepar, a partner of Mensen met een Missie. ‘I heard about the training sessions that Terelepar organizes for religious leaders,’ Joseph says. ‘Equality between men and women is something very close to my heart. I knew that with this training, I could do a lot of good for the community.’ Joseph explains that many people come to him with stories of domestic violence. ‘I understand where it comes from—even I saw my father drink heavily and hit my mother. I used to think that was normal. But as I grew older, I learned about equality and realized that violence is not normal at all. We must support, love, and respect each other as equals—whether we’re men or women.’

Pastor Joseph spoke to me about equality between men and women, about respect and forgiveness

Every Monday and Friday, Pastor Joseph holds meetings at the church, and he is always available for house calls in between. Slowly but surely, he is seeing the impact of his work in the village. ‘It’s important for people to feel safe enough to talk about their problems,’ he says. ‘That’s not something we’re used to here. But we are creating a safe space to do that, sharing knowledge and insights about self-reflection, development, and equality. More and more families are telling me how these changes have improved the dynamics in their homes.’

Teamwork

Cathy and David can relate. ‘Before, my husband kept me out of everything,’ Cathy says. ‘He was the king of the house. Now he sees our home as something we share, and we divide the responsibilities. I’ve also learned that we’re a team. It’s important that we discuss everything together, that we are open with each other.’ David is learning to control his aggression and see Cathy as an equal partner. ‘I approach her much more calmly now. I ask for her advice when I’m struggling with something. And instead of exploding when something irritates me, I’ve learned to be aware of my initial reaction so I can stay calm. It works! We argue much less now.’

David now helps Cathy with tasks around the house

Step by step

Despite their progress, Cathy, David, and Pastor Joseph all acknowledge that there is still a long way to go in Uganda. ‘I’ve been doing this for eight years now, and in that time, I’ve seen so much inequality and heard so many horrible stories,’ Joseph says. ‘It’s embedded in the culture. Boys are treated differently from girls from a very young age. Domestic violence is a huge problem in Uganda. But I do have hope. I see that people here in the village respond positively to the vision I share with them. Other churches in nearby villages have approached me to share my knowledge and methods. That’s a positive start! By training more local leaders, we can gradually reduce partner violence—step by step.’