19 April 2022

Fatherhood groups to reduce violence against women in Uganda

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Many development programs that work to reduce domestic violence and gender inequality focus primarily on women. In Eastern Uganda, however, our partner organization Terelepar takes a different approach. Their MenEngage program offers fatherhood training, raising awareness and promoting behavior change among men. The story of Samuel Onena and his wife Betty Achom illustrates just how effective this approach can be. Rather than reversing the roles within the family, MenEngage has led to a better balance of responsibilities. This transformation is evident not only in their own household but also throughout their entire village.

Samuel Onena (55) is the village chairperson and a religious leader in his community of Kachinga, Uganda. Together with his family, he grows crops and raises livestock on his land. For most of his life, like many men in Uganda, it seemed natural to him that men should be in charge, while household duties were reserved for women and children. ‘I thought it was perfectly normal for me to be the boss at home and for my wife to handle all the work. I didn’t see raising the children as my responsibility at all,’ Samuel admits. ‘In fact, because I was the village leader, I was even more controlling at home.’ He also drank heavily, spending a large portion of their income on alcohol. ‘When I came home, I was often aggressive towards my wife and children,’ he says. In 2015, Samuel got in touch with Terelepar, an interfaith organization working towards peace, reconciliation, and development in the Teso region. He was invited to participate in one of the first training sessions of the MenEngage program—a training that ended up transforming his life and that of his family.

New insights

The training started with what Samuel still considers to be his biggest eye-opener. ‘We learned about the relationship between men and women. I came to understand that men and women both deserve respect and dignity, and that we are equals despite our physical differences. I realized that men must also help to break down stereotypes and end discrimination against women.’ From the start, Samuel shared everything he was learning with his wife, Betty. ‘Whenever Samuel came home after training, he would tell me everything he had learned and experienced,’ Betty recalls. ‘This helped me see the changes he was going through and recognize my own role in the situation at home. Slowly but surely, we began to share more and more of the responsibilities. We even do the laundry together on Saturdays now!’ Samuel noticed the impact of his changed behavior on his wife and their marriage. ‘We developed a completely different relationship. We started sharing tasks that I always thought only women should do, like changing diapers, fetching water, and cooking meals. I learned to control my anger, and I quit drinking.’

A change for the whole family

The relationship between Betty, Samuel, and their children also changed dramatically. Betty explains, ‘We learned that children go through different stages of development and need support that matches each stage. Samuel now gives them small tasks and responsibilities that they can learn from, rather than just using them for free labor like some people do.’ According to Samuel, ignorance is a major reason why children are often overworked. ‘Just like many people think women are responsible for the household, they also think men shouldn’t be involved with the children—unless it’s for work,’ he says. During the COVID-19 pandemic, when the children couldn’t go to school, Samuel saw many children in the community being overworked. ‘They had to fetch water and firewood from the forest, carrying loads that were far too heavy for them. I now try to give my children tasks that are appropriate for their age—things they might be learning about in school, like creating a vegetable garden. I also give both the boys and the girls the same chores, even in the house. This way, they’re more likely to build equal relationships when they grow up.’

Many people in Uganda think women are responsible for the household, and that men shouldn’t be involved with the children

Impact on the community

The transformation of Samuel’s family, from one marked by frequent conflicts to a peaceful household, has had a positive impact on the community. ‘People can see that things can be different. They’ve seen the changes in my family,’ Samuel says. ‘I am no longer just a religious leader but also an ambassador of change. Betty and I advocate for equality and work towards ending domestic violence. In my Sunday sermons, I now use Bible quotes that condemn domestic violence.’ Samuel and Betty support their community through both words and actions. Betty is the vice-chair of a mothers’ group, where she shares her own experiences. ‘I tell the mothers that there are other ways to resolve disagreements than through conflict and violence. I also explain that there are different forms of violence—not just physical aggression, but also emotional abuse.’ The group also provides temporary shelter for women facing violence at home. ‘Samuel and I take them in and care for the women and their children. We then mediate between the man and the woman, helping them reconcile. In this way, we’ve managed to prevent several divorces.’

Harmony leads to economic development

Harmony within the family has not only led to mutual respect and better cooperation; it has also had economic benefits. ‘Betty is now in charge of the finances, which means our money is used much more effectively,’ Samuel says. ‘I realized how much we were wasting on alcohol. Now we spend it on things that benefit everyone. We’ve bought a cow, some goats, and a few pigs. Gradually, our financial situation is improving. This also allows our children to stay in school longer. By planning better what we grow on our land each year, we were even able to donate a piece of land to the parish to build a church.’